Catholic Commute S01E16 5 Truths about Sex to unlock its potential Part 2

Why sex cannot be just about a sensation

There are perhaps few topics that modern society has attacked as hard as sex.  We are literally saturated with toxic and misleading messages about what we men (and women!) should expect about sex and from sex every day.  Yet, somehow, we are still supposed to find meaning and fulfillment from our sexual experiences in marriage.

In this episode, I tackle the second 3 of 5 really difficult truths about sex for men.  It’s not enough to simply “try hard” – we need to be deliberate and intentional.  These are not easy things to hear, but they are harder things yet to live without.

Join me today, and if you struggle with these issues, you may find some help to change.  Today’s topic is an adult one, so consider carefully who can hear the podcast.

Download the .mp3 here!

Click “Continue Reading” to read the show notes!

Episode 15: 5 Truths about Sex that will Unlock it’s Potential

Prayer: Note the original unity, parallel between Us-God and Man-Woman


Now, hopefully I’ve gotten your attention.  Start by noting that this episode will be talking about adult content – though in a Christian way.  Still, if you have children able to hear, please use good parental judgement. Today’s topic is mature.


5 Truths about Sex that will Unlock it’s Potential


  1. Giving up Pornography will let you see an actual woman
    1. No talk on this topic can start without Theology of the Body
    2. Pop Quiz: Two stories of creation.  They tell us different truths. Read Genesis slowly.
    3. God created man and woman as equals – from the rib
    4. Woman is man’s “helper” – “ezer”, 21 times in new testament.  2x for first woman, 3x for life-threatening situation, 16x for God as helper
    5. She’s not there to “help” you with your itch or to “help” you get a beer.  She’s like a super-hero, to “help” you get to heaven!
    6. JP2: Problem with Porn is not that it shows too much, but that it shows too little.
    7. Pornography reduces a God-created uniquely created person who will live forever into a 15 minute sex toy.
    8. Like using the Mono Lisa painting as toilet paper, or using a 28 year old scotch to clean counters, but infinitely worse
    9. Repeated watching of porn actually destroys our ability to see the person of woman. – we condition our own brains
    10. What person would ever want to be used as an object?  No wife could ever respond well (long-term) to repeat objectification.  Many wives endure it in silence, but it isn’t viable to continue.
    11. What is pornography?
      1. Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart – I Know it when I see it
      2. Michael – I know it when I react to it
      3. Pornography is anything that triggers objectification in me
      4. Some men can handle watching movies with brief nudity, I cannot.
      5. Be careful – you may be less likely to be able to handle it than you think!
    12. Giving up porn unlocks your mind for true intimacy
    13. Matthew Kelly: Intimacy requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running toward, what we are running from, what self-destructive enemies lie within us, and what wild and wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts.
  2. Stopping Masturbation will unlock your unitive potential.
    1. Like pornography, masturbation turns something great and amazing into something selfish and self-serving
    2. I’d like to be able to say “just stop doing it!” But that isn’t compelling
    3. Nature of chair.  Nature of eating. Nature of Sex.  Aliens study sex – conclude what?
    4. Masturbation is like bulemia in food – it separates out what God put together.  What happens to a bulemic over time? Food loses it’s meaning, becomes something dark.
    5. Bring it home: One cannot connect to one’s wife if one is simply using the wife to “Scratch the itch.”  We sometimes treat it like a bargain – if not wife, then…The very notion diminishes what occurs with the wife to being nothing more than the “preferred” form of self pleasure
    6. True happiness and joy are not found in pleasure!  Empty pleasure leaves us feeling hollow
  3. Avoiding premarital sex allows you to better connect to your spouse.
    1. Matthew 19:6 “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
    2. In older times, sleeping together with a woman just once was considered marriage.  One intimate union was enough. – Why?
    3. We are like an electrical plug that, when plugged into the wall, the two pieces of metal are fused and melted together.  The two become one – literally.
    4. When we “break up” with a person who we have been sexually joined to, it’s like ripping that one piece of metal back into two pieces.  It causes damage!
    5. Each time we join ourselves sexually to a new partner and separate, it’s further shredding the damaged connector.  It won’t work like it once did.
    6. Alternative Approach: Language of the Body.  We humans are both body and soul. We are (in part) our body.  What the body does has meaning. A Kiss, for example, means something – when Judas kisses Jesus in the garden.  A handshake means something. If I walk up and shake your hand, then spontaneously punch you in the face, you would be surprised!  Why? Because I lied to you through the language of my body. Note: Those who are dating, consider carefully the meaning of a “kiss.”
    7. Sex means something too.  Line from movie: When you sleep with a woman, your body makes a promise to her.  We are quite literally “giving ourselves” to the person we sleep with. Woman get this on a deeper level than us men do.  Sex is a mutual self gift of one’s self to the other. Complete and Total. That is what the language means.
    8. When we break that language, we not only are lying to others, we deaded our own communication.  Over time, we lose the ability to communicate. Many of us have known someone who was a compulsive liar.  We don’t trust them! Everything they say to us we take with a grain of salt.
    9. So also it is with lies of the body.  If you become a compulsive liar in the language of the body, what is there for your future spouse to trust?
  4. Adulterous thoughts are just as bad as Adultery
    1. Matthew 5: 27-28: ““You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
    2. Why is it so bad?  It’s just looking. “What’s wrong with a little lust?”
      1. Women notice.  They do. Sadly women even notice the first look.  They are hyper vigilent for it – society has told them that they are not pretty enough.  They are looking at you to see if they should believe society. If you are looking elsewhere, then they are hooked on the lie.
      2. We create ourselves.  Indulging in a little lust makes me into a lustful man.  To become a lustful man means one who values pleasure over happiness.  Pleasure fades.
      3. Matthew Kelly: You never can get enough of what you don’t really need.  We don’t need lust. It’s trying to fill an apetite it cannot fill. It simply leaves us hungry for more.  It’s like trying to live on a diet of no-calorie sugar. Yeah, it tastes good on the tongue, but your body isn’t fooled.
    3. Let’s make this practical: “Second look.”  Biology covers the first look.
    4. That second look turns a woman, a beautiful creation of God’s filled with a rich diversity of character traits, personality, skills, and abilities, into a mere object for my self-pleasure in my own head.  
    5. The problem with lustful thoughts is it takes in too little of the woman.  I find that often the better I get to know a lady, the harder it is for me to entertain lustful thoughts for her.  I know her – she becomes so much more than just a few sensational curves. I know her husband, her children, etc. I see her in a more proper context.
    6. How to combat?
      1. Become more aware, more vigilent.
      2. Give praise to God for his good work!
      3. Turn a moment of temptation into a moment of prayer for others who suffer
      4. Pray also for the ladies, that they would realize the value of modesty
      5. See each lady as a child of God, complete with a full set of gifts and talents and capabilities.  Each lady out there is God’s little girl. How would He want you to see them?
    7. One last note: Focus on the final, don’t be distracted by setbacks.  This topic is one that I especially think the devil likes to nail us men on.  He first whispers in our mind that we should be looking, then convicts us for looking.  It takes time. There will be setbacks. I personally struggle with controlling my thoughts after a sensational dream.  While it is true that sexual sins are grave issues, I caution men to avoid scrupulosity on this topic. To be a mortal sin requires full consent of the will.  Many of our moments are failure are not fully consenting. That’s not an excuse to stop trying though!
  5. Wives are people, not play-toys


5 Truths about Sex that will Unlock it’s Potential


  1. Giving up Pornography will let you see an actual woman
  2. Stopping Masturbation will unlock your unitive potential.
  3. Avoiding premarital sex allows you to better connect to your spouse.
  4. Adulterous thoughts are just as bad as Adultery
  5. Wives are people, not play-toys

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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